The harsh realization of having to unlearn things is exhausting. It's troublesome to me, because it's a battle between my mind and my heart. When the heart tells you something isn't right, but the mind tricks you into believing it is...oh boy that's a hard battle. One such battle is using the words "i'm fine." I talk about it on my recent podcast episode, "...But Are You Fine?". I want to expound more on it, however.
For a long time I used to try and psyche myself into believing I can be okay, especially if something had been troubling me for a long time. I would say I'm fine because I never wanted to discuss my issues with others. I wanted to believe that eventually things get better if we just tuck it away in the back of my mind and not ever have to bring it back up. I mask that hidden issue with saying "oh, i'm good. I'm fine." We're not. Some of us have been harboring negative feelings or trauma that have been tucked away for decades.
There's an old saying "hatred corrodes the container it's carried in..." That's what happens with trauma and unresolved emotions. It begins to eat away at our emotions and our sanity. Insecurities, trust issues, disloyalty, malice...all those things are a product of emotions or trauma kept inside your container. It doesn't corrode you in one fell swoop, either. It chips away piece by piece, day by day, month by month, year by year. It starts with subtle pieces of frustration, to anxiety and stress, to full on breakdowns and anger. A lot of times we blame things around us or people around us for this anger and/or frustration, when all the while, it's something within ourselves that needs to be addressed.
So as an exercise, I would like you to do something. The next time someone asks you, "hey, how ya doing?" I would like you to use a word or phrase appropriate to what you're feeling at the moment. Share your emotions. If you're upset, say it. If you're jovial, say it. If you're frustrated, say it.
I believe it will change your life. It did mine.